Random updates!

Hello bloggy. I have neglected you for a long time, but that isn't new or anything. I think about you from time to time, and about how I should visit, but man, I've just been really busy. Forgive me? Okgood.

SO lots of things have happened since, uh, February? I think that's when I last put new words on here.

Anyway.

Husband is home! Bean loves him as usual. Probably even more than he loves me, but he still always wants mommy to hold him when he falls or something. +1 for mommy.

Husband also got a new job and is moving to a new unit shortly! We're all really happy for him and can't wait to see where this takes our family. It's something he has wanted for a long time and it'll probably be a big change for us. But we'll do what we have to do (:

Oh and there's this too:

The Bean is getting a new sister! We are very excited and can't wait to welcome our new little one into the family!

We also moved into a bigger house so we wouldn't all be crammed into our tiny old one. While it was perfect for the 3 of us, it just wasn't going to work out with a new baby (and all those irritatingly HUGE baby things), a growing toddler, a dog and us parents. Thankfully our new house is big enough for all of us and we'll hopefully be here for a while. And get this, we went from one shared bathroom (connected to the master AND the hallway for everyone in the house to use) to THREE bathrooms! OR 2.5, but still! We have a master bathroom (not connected to the rest of the house!) and a regular upstairs bathroom and a downstairs half-bath. I'm seriously in heaven!

Anyway, I think thats about it. I'll try to keep up with this thing a little better. Hopefully we'll FINALLY be able to get ourselves into a good routine. Things have been sort of crazy for a really long time, and now that Hubs is getting settled into a new job and we're finally past the morning sickness and fatigue stage. So I'm praying we can get back to our normal selves, but I really doubt that. Especially with Christmas (and my birthday and our anniversary and Bean's birthday, wow!) looming over us!

But we'll see (:

Hurt

About a week and a half ago I wrote up a blog. About friends who have jumped ship and family who couldn't be bothered to be here for Nathan and I through the past 6 months. It had a lot of anger and sadness in it. I yelled at everyone I talked to that night, cried to my husband, drank a glass of wine, and then I went to bed. I didn't post the blog that night... But to be honest? I wish I had. I deleted it after I woke up the next morning to sunny skies and a giggly little boy. I started clean and gave the new day a chance to be a new beginning. And then the next day. Now here we are a week and a half, and about 10 new days later....

Wanna know something?? I still wish I had posted it.

Because some people never get it.

The past 6 months have tested me. We have had ups and downs like I couldn't have imagined 6 months ago. I pushed my way through N's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, NYE and his first birthday. I spent my birthday pretty much alone, and our wedding anniversary the same way. I rang in the new year in an empty house without my friends or family, my son was fast asleep and my husband was half a world away. Somehow, knowing all this, my friends and family didn't step up. Nobody calls to see how we're doing. Nobody sends cards or emails to check in. Most of the time nobody even answers the phone when I call them because I need to know that someone cares.

In the beginning I got the "Oh if you need ANYthing, just let me know." and "I'll come out and visit you guys while he's gone, so you can have a break." and "When you come home in December we'll take the baby so you can go out with your friends or just have some time to yourself." Fast forward to the end of the deployment and nobody calls anymore, nobody has come out to help or just to visit or keep us company, and when I was in Ohio for and ENTIRE MONTH I went out without Nathan twice and got nasty comments from each and every person that we didn't spend enough time with them. After I drove my child and my dog from California to Ohio in the winter to spend time with you all. Thats all the help I've gotten the entire time. I have needed help, someone to talk to, and even just the "You're doing great. You can do this." Nothing.

The point of all this isn't just to be a B... Its just to let you all know, that if you're my friend or if you're in my family, that you probably suck. And in the future? Be a better friend. Be a better family member. Call. Send a card. Ask me how I'm doing and let me know you're here for me. I'm too proud to ask for help, but chances are I have gotten to the point when needed it at one point or another and you didn't even answer the phone when I called. Or you said you would call and I didn't hear from you for a week.

Now this has turned into an emotional rant and I'm sure it doesn't make sense or it comes across as too mean. But I don't care. It is time for a reality check, people, because over the last 6 months I have learned a hell of a lot about myself. I have been given the opportunity to see who my real friends and family are. And while it sort of feels like getting punched in the stomach sometimes, it also feels pretty good to not be under the impression that our relationships are something they aren't.

So thanks, I guess.

The baby isn't a baby anymore...

I would like to put out a missing baby report. He's short, kinda fat and the happiest baby you'll ever see. He has a lot of hair and blue eyes. If you see him, send him back my way. I kinda miss him!

Seriously.

My baby is gone. I'm not quite sure when this happened or how I missed this monumental transition, but it came and went. And I've been left with this heart-breakingly handsome little BOY. One who walks around and brings me tubs of goldfish crackers when he gets hungry. He smacks his lips together when its time for lunch. He brings me books to read and stacks his blocks all by himself. I can't believe the past year has flown by. This time last year I was wondering if he would ever grow out of his newborn clothes, and if the day would ever come that those 12 month clothes would fit around his tiny waist. That day, too, has come... and almost gone! And every few days we find another shirt, pair of pants or pair of little socks that stretch a little too tightly around his little body, and it gets tossed into the ever-growing bin of too small baby clothes.

I hate to admit it, but I'm incredibly sad and missing my little baby enough to ask Husband if we could maybe consider possibly having another baby... someday. He laughed at me when I said it. And I cringed inside when I said it. I can't believe I said it. I must have had a temporary lapse in judgement because this little guy we have here is more than enough to keep me busy. I pick up toys like, 4 or 5 times a day and I'm constantly finding cheerios under the coffee table and sippy cups dripping onto the carpet. Those are the times I ask myself what the hell I am thinking when I get the ache for another little one. Because for now, Stinky Bean is MORE than enough. At least until he's out of diapers...

I'm such a liar. And I'm lazy, too.

Remember, oh, about 2 months ago, when I promised and swore that I would update you THREE followers on our life? Yeah. Sorry about that. I've been trying to stay busy and I've been pretty successful.

We've had dinners with friends and taken walks. We go to Target every other day just to get out of the house. We went to Ohio for almost a month, which was... interesting. To say the least. More overwhelming and stressful than happily busy like I wanted it to be. Unfortunately this deployment landed right on top of every single holiday that holds any significance for our family. I had to fight to put on a smile for Stinky Bean's first Christmas, our wedding anniversary and then when we got back home, Bean's first birthday. It was hard, but we made it through. I can't tell you how happy I was to sit in the car with a smelly dog and a fussy baby for 36 hours, because it meant we were going home. And that's all I needed, to be among our things and have our family photos around me and sleep in the bed I share with my husband.

Now that we're back home and getting into the swing of things again I am so grateful. The day we left Ohio for the long drive back here marked the halfway point. Now its time to clean out closets and find homes for the clutter and toys we managed to collect over the last few months. Its time to order banners and paint white bedsheets to hang along fences and over the garage door. We can breathe a little more easily because he's coming home soon. One day, not too far away we'll dress in our best and go hold up signs to welcome daddy home! I can't wait. I want to cry thinking about how that day will go. I can't wait for it.

N knows who his daddy is. He walks around the house looking at all the faces in our photos and points out "dadada" to me. He absolutely lights up when he sees a picture of his daddy. We have this (slightly creepy) thing called a "daddy doll" which is basically a full body shot of a daddy (or mommy) that is cut out and printed onto a pillow-doll-thing that little ones can hold and hug and carry around. And the kid loves it. The picture my lovely husband chose was one that depicted a man who hadn't had access to showers in upwards of 3 weeks and obviously hadn't shaved in a week or two. So he looks preeeeety rough to say the least. Its cute though. I miss that man. Even when he looks like he's homeless.

So all is well for now. Except that our tiny, little baby has grown up and learned to walk and is tearing apart every single thing he can get his chubby little hands on. Which means I'm constantly cleaning up some mess. Like the bowl of cheerios he dumped on the living room floor and the contents of his dresser drawers he so thoughtfully rearranged and relocated to the living room.

At least I'll be able to stay busy through this last stretch.

Two days in a row. WHAT?

Yep. I posted last night... And here I am doing it again. Crazy, right?

So... I made the cookies and they were great. The cream cheese frosting is sweet. Obviously it's sweet. I know, it IS frosting. But its just not my taste. A little bit goes a long way with this stuff. But it goes great with the cookies. The recipe I used didn't say whether I should use milk chocolate chips or semi-sweet. I used milk chocolate. Next time I'll definitely go with the semi sweet. I think it will just balance out a little better. All in all though, the recipe is a winner. I'll link when I have a chance to log on with a different browser.

I've been catching my monster cruising, and every now and then he'll be standing next to the couch or table and he'll take his hands away to see what happens. What happens is that he can stand on his own. He just isn't too interested in doing it. He is perfectly happy crawling, which is fine with me. Less of a chance he'll fall and hurt himself. Which he already does. Often. He's going to be walking before too long though. I can't believe how big he's getting. He is going to be 10 months next week. I just can't believe it!

Anyway, I've been having a rough few days. I haven't heard from Zach in a while, he broke the power cord for his computer (Which was actually mine... Go figure!) so he hasn't been able to email or anything. It really sucks, because I'm having a hard time with the holidays getting closer and all. It doesn't exactly help that I am obsessively counting down the days until his approximate return date. I have plenty to do, but I'm just not interested in it right now. I have some projects in the works though, and hopefully I'll be able to stay busy enough to get through until I can start preparing for his return.

And for now that's all I have. I'm tired. I'm going to bed before the babe wakes up and wants to hang out.

See ya.

More Promises. That I'll keep this time! I PROMISE!

Internet Explorer 9, the worst browser ever, (I know, I know, its a beta. But still... It blows. And Husband is gone, and I can't figure out how to go back to the old one. So I'm just stuck here whining about it.) (Anyway...) just deleted my entire entry. And I had a real one. One full of promises to update my blog. You know, the ones I make every time I write on here. But this time I'm not lying. I'm really going to do it. Because now I have time.

I'm past the crying all the time stage. Now I'm just crabby and bored. And I can't sleep at night because 7 pillows are not equivalent to Husband. Not even close. They don't cuddle back.
They are remarkably quiet though, and I never wake up wondering where my blankets are...
In all seriousness though, I miss the snoring and blanket-stealing.

But we're getting by.

Bean is dealing with some separation anxiety I can only guess stems from the fact that Daddy left so suddenly. It isn't like he knew what was going on when we said goodbye. So when Daddy wasn't there to play every day, I think he started to get concerned that I would leave too. So we dealt with a lot of night-waking and not being able to walk into the other room without a full blown meltdown. Luckily its getting better. He's still very clingy, and actually wants me to HOLD him from time to time, but he's almost back to sleeping all the way through the night. It's hit or miss though. He wakes up from time to time for some snuggles. We usually watch some late night tv and then he goes back to bed without a fight.

Otherwise we're pretty boring. Which is really getting to me. I do the same thing every day. And every night. I'm planning on going to the fabric store and starting some new projects. I have a few in mind, including an attempt at a portable fabric highchair that I found on this Mama makes stuff. I'll post a link as soon as I can figure out how to get it to work. IE9. Sucks. I'm tellin' ya.

Anyway, that's all I have for right now. I'm exhausted and if I get to bed fast enough I might be able to fall asleep instead of watching reruns of Family Guy and Good Eats.

OH! I'm gonna try some pumpkin choclolate chip cookies with cream cheese frosting tomorrow. Which I found on MADE. (Again... I'll link when I figure out how to do it. When I click the link option above nothing happens.) I'll report back with the results (:

Goodnight!

I'm reviving this thing

Zach is on his way overseas. And we're learning how to get by without him. So it's only fitting that I put all this extra time to use and start posting on here a bit more.
I have lots of new things going on, and lots to be excited about, so hopefully in the next few days (or weeks) I can rally a little bit and get back to myself. Hopefully it doesn't take long. I need to get out of the house and get some stuff done. Like grocery shopping and getting ready for our trip to Las Vegas!
I'll have more later, but for now the little one is demanding I give him the run of the house.